It’s our 2 year anniversary and I’m not “happy" in this relationship.
This is NO fairytale love.
I am stripped of any pleasantries.
I have hit rock bottom, crawled through thunderstorms, lost my sanity, and cried so much my eyes have gotten swollen shut. I’ve had to karate kick and scream until my throat was sore for this kind of love.
So here we are 2 years later from that fateful evening on January 15, 2017—lying in bed and starting an excel sheet of our “conscious partnership.” (Yep, true story)
We talked about our exes, past traumas, desires, grand vision, hopes, and desires and color-coded them in the excel file.
How we were going to do “this right” and have a shared vision for our relationship.
And we didn’t get shit we asked for!!
Instead, life came at us FULL FORCE and beat the living crap out of me!
Within 2 months of entering our partnership, we got pregnant and I had an abortion.
I switched careers twice and went broke while Kenny’s business almost imploded.
We relocated to 4 cities in 2 years and I recently moved out of our home in San Diego because we were fighting every day.
I can’t count how many sleepless nights I’ve had, tossing and turning to the depths of despair.
We’ve even seen a number of psychologists who thought it best we broke up.
The glue that keeps us together is somehow just a bit stickier than the threats of us leaving each other.
The glue is just a bit taller than the Mt. Everest size of our egos.
The glue is just a bit tougher than the Teflon defense mechanisms we have both stored like treasures deep in our psyche from childhood.
Your fucking Jersey boy BRINGS IT to my Jersey girl like no other.
And when the deceitful voices and terrible habits we picked up along the way subside, I can see clearly how PURE our love really is.
I’ve never fought so damn hard in my life.
I’ve never faced my deepest darkest demons like I am now, being in this relationship.
I’ve never admitted when I was wrong.
I’ve never apologized in my entire life like I make amends with you Kenny.
I’ve never owned up to my shit and taken this much responsibility, ever.
You have just enough stamina for my stubborn ass.
I’ve never been so purposeful in my life.
I’ve never been more inspired.
I’ve never had to shove and scrape the bottom of the barrel of GRIT like I’m doing now.
I’ve never been on the EDGE, this far out.
We have a soul purpose together.
So no, it’s not a happy anniversary, babe.
It’s a HOLY FUCKING SHIT I CAN'T BELIEVE WE MADE IT THIS FUCKING FAR WTF I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WE DESERVE A GOD DAMN RELATIONSHIP METAL OR JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING GLUTEN FREE COOKIE NOW KIND OF ANNIVERSARY ☄️🌋🤯
I feel JOY in this relationship.
I feel HEARTBREAK in this relationship.
I feel DEVOTED to a higher calling—a commitment to a next level conscious partnership.
I'm in no fantastical dream, honey.
This is REAL.
Infinite chances, babe.
I’m all IN.